Funny Baseball Cards

Ah, Family Reunions...

2012-01-26T23:26:00.007-07:00

In late 1920, Hippo was stabbed with a razor by his father-in-law, Harry DeBolt.

I guess the story goes that after being alerted to his daughter's impending divorce hearing, DeBolt drove across the country (presumably to enact his "honor-stabbing"). However, by the time he arrived, Mr. and Mrs. Vaughn had already reconciled. They were just getting home at night with their 9-year-old son when the attack occurred. DeBolt then skipped town to evade police.

Don't Step on My Toes

2012-01-13T20:06:00.005-07:00

Hockey is the Devil!

2012-01-12T22:54:00.002-07:00

Whiteout

2012-01-09T16:18:00.008-07:00

Here we have Paul Gibson's "error" card, followed by the censored version. As you can see, Paul isn't the only one clutching a ball in this picture.

(Before)

(After)

Saints and Cardinals

2011-12-14T00:05:00.003-07:00

After being asked what he did for a living by Pope Pius XII, former St. Louis outfielder "Duck Wucky" Medwick responded with: "Your Holiness, I'm Joe Medwick. I, too, used to be a Cardinal."

Romance Fiction

2011-12-04T00:00:00.004-07:00

A simple search for "Cum Posey" yielded this masterwork.

... Not the Preferred Nomenclature, Dude.

2011-12-03T23:33:00.007-07:00

Probably the only time a bunch of southerns can yell a homophobic slur at a black guy and it not qualify as bigotry.

Elephant Ears

2011-11-20T15:13:00.003-07:00

Yet another beautiful Don Mossi portrait.

Shoulda Played for Pittsburgh

2011-11-20T13:33:00.005-07:00

The bird's name was Ruffles.

Takes a Lot of Balls

2011-11-20T11:12:00.004-07:00

"To think that a player could carry a loaded gun into a nightclub, shoot himself and miss the rest of the season but get to keep his entire [$1 million] signing bonus illustrates one of the serious flaws in the current system"

-- Giants co-owner John Mara

"The Associated Press found that, since Burress joined the NFL in 2000, he has been sued at least nine times"

-- ESPN.com

You Don't Know Dick

2011-09-28T09:20:00.007-06:00

After an amazing college run, Dick Dickey went on to become a major player... at the Farm Bureau Insurance company.

Judge Dredd

2011-09-26T21:59:00.008-06:00

Actually, he just went by Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis, and was best known for being the first Commissioner of Baseball... as well as a scowling old douche.

"[W]ho is responsible for the lifetime ban of every member of the 1919 Chicago White Sox? Commissioner Landis, of course. Even when it became obvious that some of the members were innocent of any wrongdoing, Landis refused to reinstate them. And if you thought that was the worst thing he ever did, you haven't heard his motto: Tough on gambling, tougher on black people.

Landis is probably the main reason the color line stayed in baseball for as long as it did. He was baseball's first commissioner, serving from 1920-1944, and he picked up right where he left off as a judge, when he got black boxer Jack Johnson banned from boxing for life for transferring a white woman over state lines.

Many times people petitioned Landis to allow black players in the major leagues, and every time Landis voted it down, then presumably leaned back in his throne of skulls and drank the blood of kittens. Mercifully, his tyrannical reign came to an end in 1944 the way all tyrant reigns end; with his death."

-- 11 Baseball Legends Who Were Legendary Assholes by Chris Morgan

... It's worth mentioning that the white secretary who Jack Johnson was tried for transferring over state lines was his girlfriend (and future wife). Thanks to that mountainous dick of a judge, Johnson got to serve over a year in prison.

Marge Schott

2011-09-11T16:02:00.006-06:00

Instead of trying to condense this idiot's lunacy myself, I'll just leave it to Wiki:

On November 13, 1992, Charles "Cal" Levy, a former marketing director for the Reds, stated in a deposition for Tim Sabo, a former employee, who was suing the team that he'd heard Schott refer to then-Reds outfielders Eric Davis and Dave Parker as "million-dollar niggers."[3] Sabo, whose position was "team controller," alleged that his 1991 firing was due to testifying against her in another lawsuit brought against Schott by several limited partners and because he opposed the unwritten policy of not hiring blacks.

Levy, who is Jewish, alleged that Schott kept a Nazi swastika armband at her home and claims he overheard her say "sneaky goddamn Jews are all alike."[3] The next day, Schott issued a statement saying the claims of racism levied against her were overstated and that she did not mean to offend anyone with her statement or her ownership of the armband.

On November 29, Schott said the "million dollar niggers" comment was made in jest, but then stated that she felt that Adolf Hitler was initially good for Germany and did not understand how the epithet "Jap" could be offensive.

During the same season, a former Oakland Athletics executive assistant, Sharon Jones, is quoted in the New York Times as having overheard Schott state: "I would never hire another nigger. I'd rather have a trained monkey working for me than a nigger," before the start of an owners' conference call.[4]

A four-man committee was convened to investigate Schott. On February 3, 1993, she was fined $250,000 and banned from day-to-day operations of the Reds for the 1993 season. John Allen took over as managing partner. Schott returned to work on November 1.

On May 18, 1994, during a speech before the Ohio County Treasurers Association, Schott commented that she did not want her players to wear earrings because "only fruits wear earrings."[5]

In 1995, Schott famously announced in the middle of the season that manager Davey Johnson would not return, regardless of how well the Reds did. By all accounts, this was because of a personality clash between Johnson and Schott. Most notably, Schott did not approve of Johnson living with his fiancée before they were married later in the year.[6] The Reds won the division (before losing the National League Championship Series to the Atlanta Braves, 4 games to 0), and Johnson was fired anyway. The Reds have had only three winning seasons since then.

Schott was the target of frequent criticism for allegedly allowing her infamous St. Bernards, Schottzie and Schottzie 02, near complete free rein of Riverfront Stadium. This apparently included their defecating on the field.[2]

Schott was known for not wanting to hire scouts, stating that "all they ever do is watch baseball games,"[2] and wanting not to post scores of other games on the Riverfront Stadium scoreboard. Schott said of the scoreboard issue, "Why do [fans] care about one game when they're watching another?" although the root cause was the $350 monthly cost of doing so.[2]

On an airplane, Marge Schott was approached by a woman who introduced herself as Edd Roush's granddaughter. Schott then replied, "That's nice hon, what business is he in?" Roush is a Hall of Fame center fielder who had many of his greatest years with the Reds.[7]

Schott's downfall began on April 1, 1996. As Cincinnati is the home of Major League Baseball's oldest professional team, the Reds traditionally played the first game of the season at home. In 1996, they played the Montreal Expos. The weather was cold and blustery and it had snowed earlier in the day.

Shortly after the game started, home plate umpire John McSherry called a time out and motioned towards the Reds dugout, it was later presumed, for medical attention. After taking a few steps, McSherry collapsed and fell to the artificial turf face first. Attempts to resuscitate McSherry failed and he was pronounced dead at University Hospital about an hour later. The other umpires decided to postpone the game until the next day. Video showed Schott visibly upset that the game was to be postponed; reportedly she groused: "Snow this morning and now this. I don't believe it. I feel cheated. This isn't supposed to happen to us, not in Cincinnati. This is our history, our tradition, our team. Nobody feels worse than me."[8]

Schott reportedly offended major league umpires in general — and members of McSherry's crew specifically — by regifting a bouquet of flowers given to her, adding a sympathy note and sending it on to the funeral home.[2]

During the team's next homestand, Schott attempted to smooth over the feud with the umpires, apologizing to them–despite none of them being in attendance at the game in question, only to have them refuse the gesture.[2]

On May 5, 1996, Schott once again made statements favorable of Adolf Hitler, whom she believed "was good in the beginning, but went too far."[2] In response, Major League Baseball again banned Schott from day-to-day operations through 1998. Later in the month, Schott was quoted in Sports Illustrated as speaking in a "cartoonish Japanese accent" while describing her meeting with the prime minister of Japan.[2] Further, she said that she did not like Asian-American kids "outdoing our kids" in high school.

-----

Fortunately for all citizens of Earth, she's goddamn dead now.

"My Biggest Thrill in Baseball"

2011-07-29T23:28:00.002-06:00

That "deranged girl"? Yeah, she was deemed sane and released after just over two years in the looney bin.

Awkward & Unflattering Photos: Strikes (Out) Again

2011-07-26T18:54:00.010-06:00

"Lock was originally signed by the New York Yankees, and Tales from the Yankee Dugout has a page on him, although Lock never appeared in a major league game with the Yankees. Humorously reacting during spring training to the possibility that the Yankees would cut him, he crossed off his name from his locker, [and] barricaded himself inside".

Herbert Eugene Plews. If a nerdier name exists, I'm not aware of it. In 1951, Herb took a break from baseball to fight the North Koreans in static trench warfare. Now, at age 83, he lives in a retirement community near my house. Personally, I think he looked like Ed Helms.

"Flood owned a bar in the Spanish resort town of Palma de Mallorca where he moved to escape from bankruptcy of his Curt Flood Associates business, from two lawsuits, and from an IRS lien on a home he bought".

"In October 2006, Stewart began serving an eight-year sentence in a North Carolina prison on a felony drug charge, having been convicted as an 'habitual felon'. He has been charged 46 times with more than 60 offenses since 1988, and has spent 25 months in prison over six separate stints. He has admitted to being a 'crack addict'."

"Noodles" Zupo

2011-07-25T13:18:00.006-06:00

One hell of a damn unibrow! I don't even have his best card.

Zupo was part of the only batterymen duo in MLB history to consist of players whose last names both start with Z. Noodles also worked as a wholesale leather dealer and fishing tour guide.

The Thirteen Billion Dollar Man

2011-07-21T13:28:00.005-06:00

According to the New York Times, billionaire Jets owner Woody Johnson regularly rides to work at Rockefeller Center on a custom foot scooter (The Times' image, not mine), while dressed in the sort of designer business suit you'd expect to see a billionaire wearing.

Nudes on Ice

2011-07-20T22:23:00.006-06:00

Here's an antique Ice Hockey photo I acquired recently:

The name? Dick... Harry Dick.

PB&

2011-07-13T13:37:00.004-06:00

Jelly helped his team, the Homestead Greys, pull a major upset against the Atlanta Black Crackers during the 1938 season.

The Man of Steele

2011-07-13T13:27:00.004-06:00

Steele's brothers are "Boof," "Flea," "Twiggy" and "Golly" Sidebottom. However, "Steele" is not a nickname.

The Original Iron Man

2011-07-10T14:49:00.003-06:00

The nickname didn't actually have anything to do with McGinnity's pitching. Rather, it was due to the fact that he worked at a metal foundry during the off-season.

Nuggets Make You Fat

2011-07-10T14:35:00.003-06:00

In '85, Fat Lever captured the NBA record for most steals in a quarter after jacking the ball eight times.

Feeling Blue

2011-06-30T23:03:00.003-06:00

Vida served 81 days in prison in 1983, after pleading guilty to an attempt at purchasing cocaine.

There's also an Electronica band named after him. In fact, the trio purchased the name from a Screamo group for $10,000.

Awkward & Unflattering Photos: Part Deuce

2011-06-27T21:53:00.012-06:00

Jeff was pitching coach for the Toledo Mud Hens in 1990 and 1994.

Mejia later played in the Korean Leagues.

"Smokey" Stover appeared in just two games during his entire major league career. The first was in September of 1957, and the second was... in September of 1958. This is his only card, which-- oddly enough-- wasn't released until 1960. He died six years later at the age of 26. Surprisingly, he was barely 18 years old in this photo. Judging by those glasses, he may also have been legally blind.

Vernon Wells is father to Vernon Wells of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I have no idea what this card is about.

Somebody's Parents Weren't Very Creative...

2011-06-27T21:47:00.001-06:00

That's Bunk!

2011-06-26T14:49:00.003-06:00

Bunk died in 1937 from a heart attack he suffered at an Indians game.

"It's So Damn Hot!"

2011-06-24T13:29:00.007-06:00

Here we have M.J. attempting to golf on Tatooine...

U L

2011-06-20T19:20:00.003-06:00

No, that is not a nickname, nor does it stand for anything. His first name is quite literally just "U L".

"Like Baby, Baby, Baby -- NOOOO!"

2011-06-16T12:13:00.007-06:00

... Yes, I'm glad you noticed; that is a collectible children's trading card of Justin Bieber's crotch. (Well, Bieber's beaver, if you'd rather.)

Note: Images may appear smaller in person.

Minor League Marvels: Part Two

2011-06-11T13:47:00.015-06:00

Due to unpopular demand, I'm getting back to posting my stupid cards. I thought I'd start with another batch of minor leaguers with names I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...

First off we have Beamer Weems, who appears to have been named after a brand of automobiles. Also, Weems' sister, Christi, was a three-time All-American with the Virginia Tech dance team. Have fun remembering that useless piece of information for the rest of your life.

"With a name like Noochie, I thought there might be a good story attached. After all, his given name was Gary Lee.

'They called my dad Noochie,' Varner said. 'I was Noochie Jr.'

How did your dad get the name?

'I don't know,' Varner said.

His dad didn't know how he picked up the name, either. So much for a good story."

-- From "The Curse of Noochie Varner" by Marc Katz

"My mom's got like 14 brothers and sisters and my dad's got like 16. I had two uncles play in the NFL, Dameian Jeffries and Marcus Knight, and I've got a younger brother who plays baseball too."

-- Zelous Wheeler (which is not a nickname)

As to what his parents were thinking... your guess is as good as mine.

The Mike Tyson of Baseball

2011-03-18T21:44:00.010-06:00

No, not that Mike Tyson of baseball... but rather Bill Lee, who allegedly once threatened to bite an umpire's ear off over a call during the 1975 World Series.

"The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything."

-- Bill "Spaceman" Lee

El Diablo...

2011-03-18T01:25:00.003-06:00

"... It’s, like, Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken."

Parris, Je T'Aime

2011-03-08T23:16:00.006-07:00

There's actually an entire website devoted to Duffuses in sports.

A Real Slugger

2011-03-05T22:54:00.002-07:00

Probably the most hits Nolan got all season.

Nolan Ryan: Texas Ranger Redux

2011-03-02T16:26:00.005-07:00

Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be any more idiotic looking cards of Nolan Ryan dressed as a cowboy...

Sterling Sharpe: End 2 End

2011-02-28T18:38:00.005-07:00

Anyone remember Sterling's SNES game that came out just after his career-ending neck injury?

Blabbermouth

2011-02-28T18:13:00.004-07:00

I kind of feel bad for Blab... I mean, going through high school as a 7-foot tall ginger kid would have been bad enough, but his parents just had to go name him Uwe Blab, too.

Babylonian Brotherhood

2011-02-28T17:49:00.002-07:00

I always suspected Derek Jeter, Mantle, and the Yankees were evil reptilian humanoids in league with George Bush, but this card proves it!

I'm Hip

2011-02-26T20:42:00.002-07:00

"In 1938 the University of Nebraska had a back named Hopp. Of course he was known as Hippity. In 1977 Nebraska has a back named Hipp. Of course he is known as Hoppity."

-- Sports Illustrated (October, 1977)

Fuzzy Feelings

2011-02-26T18:51:00.004-07:00

Oscar swung at pitches so frequently that it took him 130 at-bats to finally walk a single time.

"Bug-Eater"

2011-02-26T02:35:00.002-07:00

Rex earned the classy nickname after his teammates got him to eat a junebug for $800.

Worst Haircut Ever?

2011-02-25T21:35:00.004-07:00

... and this is why god invented hats. See, Drabek gets it:

Heterochromia (Weird Eye)

2011-02-22T16:52:00.003-07:00

Dread Zeppelin

2011-02-22T16:32:00.002-07:00

It would seem the shirtless fellow here took the expression "rock out with your cock out" a bit too literally. Fortunately for children everywhere, ProSet noticed the wardrobe malfunction and corrected it:

A Week of Dicks: Day 7

2011-02-21T05:00:00.004-07:00

... And don't forget these guys:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8!

A Week of Dicks: Day 6

2011-02-20T05:00:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty convinced Dick Post is Dick Pole's evil twin.

A Week of Dicks: Day 5

2011-02-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Straight out of high school, Dick Joyce was offered a virtually unheard of $100,000 signing bonus by the Red Sox, but turned it down to attend some Christian school.

"In 1974, when the rival Oregon State Beavers clinched the Chancellor’s Trophy, which was annually given to the team that won the Civil War series, the head cheerleader brought out the trophy and was running around the floor when Dick Harter tripped him."

A Week of Dicks: Day 4

2011-02-18T05:00:00.003-07:00

The Phillies bested the Dodgers for the 1950 N.L. pennant due to a three-run homer by Dick Sisler in the tenth-inning. Dick's father George was a scout for the Dodgers at the time, and when asked about the defeat he said, "I felt awful and terrific at the same time."

While managing the Yankees, Dick Howser refused to enforce owner George Steinbrenner's rules regarding facial hair (something Reggie Jackson apparently made a rule of ignoring). Dick was later fired for his disobedience.

A Week of Dicks: Day 3

2011-02-17T05:00:00.001-07:00

A couple Dicks from the '51 Bowman set...

Dick Kokos played exactly the same number of games in the 1949 and '50 seasons, and his batting average in both seasons was exactly the same.

A Week of Dicks: Day 2

2011-02-16T05:00:00.003-07:00

Dick Tiger was a Biafran rebel, which got him banned from entering Nigeria for years.

Apparently this Dick really knew how to score.

A Week of Dicks: Day 1

2011-02-15T16:12:00.018-07:00

Here we have a couple of old school English footballers with classic names:

Jack Cock was also a singer and an actor (a "cock of all trades," if you will).

Dick Johnson really helped pave the way for future soccer players with phallic-sounding names:

... And like Cock, Kaka is also a singer!

Identity Theft: Part III

2011-02-15T00:53:00.008-07:00

This Dick Ellsworth's 1966 Topps card... only the player pictured is not Dick Ellsworth, but rather, former second baseman Ken Hubbs. The messed up part is that Ken died two years before Topps accidentally stuck his picture on this card.

In early 1944, Ken got his pilot's license as part of an attempt to conquer his fear of heights (good move). Shortly thereafter, he flew to Utah for a visit but then decided he'd try and beat an approaching storm to get back home to California. Smart thinking, right?

Anyway, to make matters worse, Topps had already memorialized the guy a year before the error card hit the prints:

(Another shining example of Topps' quality control department hard at work.)

Patches

2011-02-14T19:17:00.007-07:00

Stoner's Autographed Letter Patch Cards by Topps. If only his number was 420...

Speed Racer

2011-02-11T17:49:00.003-07:00

"America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Full Moon

2011-02-11T17:24:00.003-07:00

In '07, Moon pleaded guilty to "first-degree negligent driving" and was sentenced to 40 hours of community service, drug and alcohol classes, and a $350 fine. Don't drink and drive, kids! Unless you're a Nascar driver. Then you'll prolly be okay.

Ah, My First Word...

2011-02-11T17:06:00.003-07:00

It must be strange to play professional football and still not be the most famous Boobie Clark.

The Three Stooges

2011-02-10T19:35:00.010-07:00

Cot Deal was given his first baseball tryout by "Pie" Traynor (nicknamed for his fondness of eating pies):

Pronk

2011-02-10T19:01:00.005-07:00

("Chicks dig the Long Ball")

"Pronk" was valedictorian of his high school graduating class... of 12.

Foreshadowing

2011-02-10T18:54:00.003-07:00

Check out the cartoon on the back of O.J.'s rookie card:

Volleyball Hall of Fame Name

2011-02-10T18:26:00.008-07:00

Hyman was six feet tall by her 12th birthday!

Contra

2011-02-10T13:03:00.004-07:00

Apparently Al was a rebel for the Sandinista National Liberation Front.

Sign Language

2011-02-08T20:55:00.001-07:00

This card created quite the stir back in '06.

Ray May... Be Gay?

2011-02-08T20:29:00.004-07:00

Minor League Marvels: Part One

2011-02-07T08:58:00.011-07:00

Full name? Sequoyah Trueblood Stonecipher!

"When I was on the road, especially in college, and came up to bat people would be in the stands quoting lines from [Napoleon Dynamite]. It was pretty funny."

-- Dusty Napoleon

Hoes used to play for a team called the Dirtbags.

Jayhawk was a minor league coach and manager.

Callix used to be a construction worker during the offseason.

Van Pope's "girlfriends" forum is a higher search result than his Wikipedia page! Apparently the general consensus is that he is a "dog":

"Van is nothing but a dog. Plain and simple. Anyone who talks to him for more than 2 minutes can tell that he is nothing but a cheater. Of course he will promise you this and promise you that. But its not true. So girls save yourself some heart ache and stay away from that one unless you like to cheat yourself."

-- Anonymous 1 wrote on Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:54:02 GMT

"found out he dated a friend of my friend the same time i was dating him...can't trust ball players at all! He talked a big game about being together but I know he was hooking up with a girl in every city he went to since his cousin spilled the beans to me that he had a 'hoe in different area codes.' needless to say, it didn't work out. I wish him the best in his ball career but warn any little ladies out there not to think you are the 'only one' for him. He is a ball player...and a player."

-- Anonymous 2 wrote on Sun, 04 Apr 2010 22:53:35 GMT

"van is a dog to say the least. I know first hand!"

-- Anonymous 3 wrote on Sat, 28 Aug 2010 23:17:06 GMT

"he IS a DOG!!! I love him to death and we are super close BUT he is what he is! Ladies should take warning!"

-- Anonymous 4 wrote on Wed, 29 Sep 2010 01:53:54 GMT

... It would appear that Van has a track record of dating illiterates, as well.

Shredding

2011-02-04T15:22:00.004-07:00

Chuck is the only player to ever pitch four strikeouts in a single inning on multiple occasions.

Once, when Finley entered the field during a road game against the White Sox shortly after his divorce from actress Tawny Kitaen, the stadium's music director, Joe Stephen, jokingly played the Whitesnake hit "Here I Go Again," in reference to Finley's ex-wife appearing in the song's old music video. Apparently the White Sox can't appreciate a simple joke at an opposing player's expense, because Stephen was fired over it.

"[Chuck] filed for divorce three days after Kitaen was charged with committing domestic violence against him, having beaten him with a stiletto heel. [...] Tawny Finley, in a declaration to the Orange County Superior Court, claims her husband, Chuck Finley, used steroids amongst other drugs. She even details that Finley bought the steroids from a man named 'Rob' from Mission Viejo, and that she has seen him inject himself. She also claims he bragged about being able to circumvent MLB's testing policy. When told of his wife's accusations, which also included heavy marijuana use and alcohol abuse, Finley replied: 'I can't believe she left out the cross-dressing!'"

Stealing Bases

2011-02-04T11:47:00.002-07:00

Brian stole 74 bases during the '97 season.

Nerdy Glasses & Mustaches: Round Three

2011-02-03T01:51:00.020-07:00

Alvaro became the 6th player in history to hit a fair ball but have it get stuck in a stadium obstruction, after one of his hits was caught by an overhead speaker.

Gary played in 22 games during his whole major league career.

Wayne was the 202nd pick of the '78 draft.

Gantner's nickname was "Gumby." He once went 1,762 at-bats without hitting a home run. Now he co-owns a bar called Scud's Bud's.

Jerry's sons both play for the Padres, his brother played for the Cubs, and his father was a catcher with the White Sox.

"A notable feud occurred between Cowens and pitcher Ed Farmer (current White Sox radio announcer). On May 8, 1979 playing for the Royals, Cowens suffered a fractured jaw during an 8-7 loss to Texas as a result of being hit by a pitch from Farmer; he would miss 21 games. [...] The next season on June 20‚ 1980 while playing for the Tigers‚ Cowens hit an infield grounder as Farmer pitched at Comiskey Park. While Farmer watched his infielder make the play, Cowens ran to mound and attacked the pitcher from behind instead of running to first base. Cowens was suspended for 7 games and a warrant was issued for his arrest in Illinois‚ forcing him to skip the remainder of the Tigers-White Sox series in Chicago."

Gross captured the all-time major league record of "most times caught stealing in a rookie season" at 20.

"The cycle that baseball was [...] centered on the stolen base or the home run, and I did neither of those."

-- Greg Gross

Following Lowenstein being hit in the back of the neck by a ball thrown to 2nd base: "A stretcher came out to carry him off the field, and the concerned crowd of 15,491 murmured among themselves. Then, just before the stretcher descended into the Orioles dugout, Lowenstein sat up abruptly and raised both his fists. [...] 'I had it planned halfway to the dugout,' Steiner admitted later."

After once remarking, “Cheering is bad for a player because it gives him a false sense of importance,” The Lowenstein Apathy Club was founded, with fans writing in to the Indians by the hundreds wanting to join.

Not to be confused with the professional British cheerleader or the Canadian curling competitor of the same name.

Harris was the only "switch-pitcher" of the modern era (up to his point in time), meaning he could pitch with either hand. There is now one minor league pitcher named Pat Venditte who is also capable of switch pitching. In fact, Pat's ambidexterity prompted The Professional Baseball Umpire Corporation to invent a special rule in 2008, limiting the number of switches allowed.

Scott stood at 6'3" while playing ball in high school, where he often pitched against freshmen as short as 4'8". During his professional career, his fastball was reportedly once clocked at 103 mph.

From the Sporting News of October, 1995:

"Ernie Camacho was a reporter's dream. Despite owning a 95 mph fastball (and that's on the slow gun), he was not the most confident guy. Camacho didn't think he threw hard enough, so he mixed in curveballs and changeups, even though they seldom found the plate.

Manager Pat Corrales was forced to institute the Camacho Rule: Throw nothing but fastballs. Corrales would stride to the mound, glare at Camacho and yell, 'No tricks.' While this was going on, Corrales would dig his forefinger into Camacho's chest repeatedly until he made himself perfectly clear.

Pitching Coach Jack Aker was not amused by the Indians' high-maintenance bullpen closer. 'I'm the pitching coach for the other nine guys,' he would say. 'Pat is the pitching coach for Ernie.'

Quite by accident, Camacho's locker was near the exit to the clubhouse. He thought management had an ulterior motive for putting it there. 'It's easier to get rid of me when I'm near the door,' he would say.

It was normal for Camacho to believe he was one breath or one pitch from disaster. After he underwent surgery to remove bone chips from his elbow, Camacho kept them in ajar on the shelf of his locker to remind himself how lucky he was to survive the ordeal.

When players were asked to autograph 100 photos for charity, Camacho said his arm was sore from signing his name and he rushed to the trainer's room for treatment 'The other guys were smarter than me,' Camacho said. 'They signed their pictures a few at a time. I did an of mine in one day. That was a big mistake.'

During a game at Yankee Stadium, a line drive struck Camacho's glove hand. He summoned Corrales, who ordered him to stay on return each pitch to the third or the first baseman man, who had to walk to the mound and hand the ball to Camacho."

"Wow! It's About A Spanish Guy!"

2011-02-01T19:53:00.005-07:00

In '09, Jose was fired from his position with the Nationals as special assistant to G.M. Jim Bowden and Rijo's Dominican baseball academy closed, after it came out that his top prospect, 18 year-old Esmailyn Gonzalez -- who was given a $1.4 million bonus for signing with the Nationals -- was actually named Carlos Lugo, and was four years older than claimed. Not long after, general manager Bowden was reportedly under FBI investigation into the skimming of signing bonuses for Latin American prospects.

Gookie & Mookie

2011-02-01T02:20:00.005-07:00

In 1999, Mookie Wilson got a second job as a trucker during the offseason. Even stranger, Mookie is both uncle and step-father to outfielder Preston Wilson. (According to Wikipedia, "Mookie married Preston's mother after his brother fathered Preston.")

Master of Horror

2011-02-01T01:50:00.003-07:00

There's also an American football player named Stephen King, as well as yet another soccer player, a soccer team manager, an American hockey player, a Canadian hockey player, a professional baseball player from the 1800's, a minor league baseball player, and a Canadian sprint canoeist!

Time Paradox

2011-02-01T00:59:00.007-07:00

1989 Upper Deck #117...

(Front)

(Back)

Triple Bow

2011-01-31T09:14:00.004-07:00

A Bowman of Bo Bowman.

Who Thought That Was A Good Idea?

2011-01-31T00:41:00.008-07:00

"Dream Team?" Actually, this probably falls more under "nightmare."

Highlights from the 2003 Sports Illustrated article, "The Rise And Fall Of Kirby Puckett:"

"When Tonya finally called the Edina police on Dec. 21, 2001, to report that Kirby had, over the phone, threatened to kill her, she also mentioned earlier abuses. Her husband was, she said through her tears, a violent man. Once, she said, he tried to strangle her with an electrical cord. Once he locked her in the basement. Another time, when he was furious and she locked herself in a room, he used a power saw to cut through the door. Once he even put a gun, cocked, to Tonya's head as she quaked, clasping little Catherine in her arms."

"Nygren, the other woman, says that Puckett often spoke resentfully about having to visit children in order to bulwark his image. 'He always said how much he hated going to the hospitals,' Nygren says. 'He became more [vocal] about how much he hated it after he retired, but he always said he hated it.'"

"[T]he mistress of many years says that when Puckett couldn't play baseball anymore, 'he started to become full of himself and very abusive.' He began to perform lewd acts in public, such as going to a fancy shopping center, parking there, then opening his car door and stepping out and peeing in plain view of other people (Twins fans presumably included)."

"As 2001, the year that Puckett would become eligible for the Hall of Fame, approached, some in the Twins' front office were aware of Puckett's transgressions, which if exposed would surely jeopardize his chances for induction. When a female employee threatened to file a sexual harassment suit against the team because of Puckett's and other men's behavior, the Twins allegedly made a financial settlement that ensured her silence."

"Last Sept. 5, Puckett drove a few miles from Bloomington to Eden Prairie, to the Redstone American Grill. He spent much of the evening at the bar in the company of an old friend, Minneapolis police officer Tony Adams. But at half past midnight, according to witness accounts, a woman in her thirties, identified only as K.L., was standing near the rest rooms when suddenly a stocky, bald black man in a blue shirt materialized at her side, seized her left forearm and began to drag her into the men's room. K.L. grabbed at the door frame, sustaining bruises on an arm and an ankle, as the man kept yanking her into the room.

According to the police report, K.L. was pulled into a toilet stall, where the man touched one of her breasts. It was her belief—as she told 911 a few minutes later—that the man intended to rape her, but her girlfriend opened the door to the men's room and screamed. The man released his grip on K.L., and she fled back into the bar, looking, a patron said, 'Terrified.'

She reportedly did not know who her assailant was, but when she pointed out the stocky, bald black man in the blue shirt, a bar employee identified him as Puckett, and he was subsequently charged with a felony, false imprisonment, and a misdemeanor, fifth-degree criminal sexual assault. If convicted, Puckett probably faces up to a year in jail, plus fines and community service."

... Kirby was acquitted by the jury after an eight hour deliberation. In 2006, he died of a "cerebral hemorrhage due to hypertension" (read: massive stroke).

I Think They Prefer "Escort"

2011-01-27T19:54:00.005-07:00

Slutskaya's skating career was put on hold after she was diagnosed with vasculitis.

Background Check

2011-01-26T23:11:00.006-07:00

Angels in the Outfield

2011-01-26T20:47:00.005-07:00

I've heard that Billy was unaware the photographer was lining him up under the halo at Angel Stadium, but that's probably just as well... I think he played second backup outfielder, so this card may be the most famous aspect of his career.

200th Post!

2011-01-25T22:34:00.009-07:00

I know what you're thinking: "He's no Goose Gossage!"

The back reads: "When his days of playing chicken are over, his ambition he says is to get into managing... probably a pizza parlor."

A Match Made in Heaven

2011-01-25T22:19:00.003-07:00

Johnson & Wood... perhaps not as good as Bong & Puffer, but still admirable.

Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang

2011-01-25T21:56:00.003-07:00

Tang was injured after an opposing pitcher accidentally hit him in the face with the ball while he was sliding into second, fracturing several bones and requiring surgery. But now he gets to wear a cool mask!

Napoleon Complex

2011-01-25T20:32:00.006-07:00

Fleer later clarified that Hrabosky was not a dwarf.

Baby Got Back

2011-01-24T19:37:00.005-07:00

There's actually another Brett Butts potentially making his rounds to the bigs as well. Only... he's a little... behind?

Future Astro?

2011-01-24T19:13:00.002-07:00

"Every male in my family has a first name that starts with H. I guess they were running out of possibilities, so I was named Houston."

-- Houston Summers

Keep in mind, this is not the R&B singer of the same name who gouged out his own eye with a fork after unsuccessfully attempting to leap out of a hotel window. Different guy.

Finally! A Legible Signature!

2011-01-23T18:20:00.003-07:00

Dropping A Duce

2011-01-23T15:34:00.003-07:00

Useful Trivia: In early 2006, Duce filed a police report saying he lost a bracelet that may have been worth around $100,000 at a strip club in S.C. one Saturday morning.

... We've all been there, right?!

It's My Party

2011-01-22T21:43:00.005-07:00

Sad day...

But let us not forget this one of Glenn's.

Nerdy Glasses & Mustaches: Round Two

2011-01-22T17:19:00.012-07:00

Some of you may remember a little side-collection I posted back in 2009. Well, I've added quite a bit more to it since, and Round Three is still to come!

Ken "Digger" Phelps later became a color commentator for the Diamondbacks... but try not to confuse him with fellow sports analyst "Digger" Phelps.

Adrian is now a gym teacher at a middle school in Georgia.

Tom would sometimes secretly trade uniforms with his twin brother Tim while the two were in spring training for the Tigers.

Paul used to stare down every batter he struck out.

Greg's nickname was "Pee Wee!"

The Braves later traded Craig to Toronto for Luis Leal, but neither player ended up playing a single game for their new teams.

Tony's daughter was a beauty queen.

"Wilson owned and operated a gas station in Conroe, Texas north of Houston. He was once famously told that he needed to improve his mechanics (meaning baseball skills) and replied by saying, 'Why, I just gave all [of my] mechanics a raise!"

Zoophilia?

2011-01-22T01:44:00.008-07:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoophilia

Voodoo & Cocks

2011-01-22T01:13:00.004-07:00

Fun Fact: There existed a long-running urban legend that Perdo put a voodoo hex on the Reds after they traded him in '79.

Busta Rhymes

2011-01-20T23:18:00.005-07:00

Fun Fact: Former wide receiver Buster Rhymes reportedly once threatened his teammates with an Uzi after being hit during a lighthearted snowball fight. According to ESPN news, Buster has since been arrested for crimes such as carjacking, robbery, and most recently: driving towards oncoming traffic on the highway while evading police and smoking crack cocaine!

Shittu Luck

2011-01-20T17:57:00.004-07:00

Fun Fact: Despite playing well, Shittu was dropped from his team after having just represented Nigeria in the World Cup last year.

Doppelgänger

2011-01-20T14:41:00.003-07:00

I was going to save this one for an upcoming Nerdy Glasses & Mustaches post, but I am now one-hundred percent convinced:

Lynn Jones is Jay Chandrasekhar!

Sexual Harassment

2011-01-20T03:29:00.003-07:00

Fun Fact: Windass met with controversy in late 2006, after he reportedly grabbed an opponent by the balls.

... Perhaps the player made a "crack" about his name?

Baseball for Dummies

2011-01-19T21:53:00.004-07:00

Fun Fact: Dummy Taylor was known as such because of his deafness. At the time, "Dummy" was a term used to describe someone who could not speak, and was not yet interchangeable with the word stupid. There was also another deaf player from the same period named Dummy Hoy. The two are sometimes credited for the use of hand signals in baseball.

#2

2011-01-19T02:47:00.005-07:00

Fun Fact: In 2009, Pooh hesitantly testified in court against his close childhood friend, former police detective Rickie Durham, on charges that Durham warned Pooh of an impending FBI drug raid of his half-sister's boyfriend's 25 million dollar crack-cocaine business. Durham was later sentenced to two years in prison. Meanwhile, the "entrepreneuring" boyfriend got life plus 55 years. How the hell do you serve that?

Richie Rich

2011-01-17T16:50:00.008-07:00

Fun Fact: During the 98-99 season, Rich Parent took a slapshot to the groin, causing "scrotal contusion" and a "ruptured testicle."

Jesus! This is like my third piece of testicle injury trivia in six days, in addition to a post about a guy kicking balls. I really need to start finding better facts...

Wascally Wabbit

2011-01-15T22:58:00.002-07:00

Fun Fact: Rabbit left America last year for bigger and better things. He now has a one-year contract with a Croatian team called the KHL Medveščak Zagreb of the Erste Bank Hockey League. Dreams really do come true!

This Guy Kicked Balls

2011-01-15T22:45:00.002-07:00

Fun Fact: Ray Guy was the first player to ever punt a ball so high it nailed the Louisiana Superdome's mega-screen. In fact, one of Guy's kicks had so much hangtime the ball was checked for helium.

Jaywalker

2011-01-15T22:35:00.003-07:00

Fun Fact: Jay Walker is now a legislator in the Maryland House of Delegates.

Euphemisms

2011-01-15T17:28:00.002-07:00

... You couldn't have just gone by Brandon?

Humble Pie

2011-01-14T23:52:00.002-07:00

Fun Fact: In '08, Pie suffered a twisted testicle and underwent surgery to avoid a "1-0 count."